Just For Laughs

THE OLD PATHS: I liked the old paths, when Moms were at home. Dads were at work. Brothers went into the army. And sisters got married BEFORE having children! Crime did not pay; Hard work did; And people knew the difference. Moms could cook; Dads would work; Children would behave. Husbands were loving; Wives were supportive; And children were polite. Women wore the jewelry; And Men wore the pants. Women looked like ladies; Men looked like gentlemen; And children looked decent. People loved the truth, And hated a lie. They came to church to get IN, Not to get OUT! Hymns sounded Godly; Sermons sounded helpful; Rejoicing sounded normal; And crying sounded sincere. Cursing was wicked; Drugs were for illness. The flag was honored; America was beautiful; And God was welcome! We read the Bible in public; Prayed in school; And preached from house to house. To be called an American was worth dying for; To be called an American was worth living for; To be called a traitor was a shame! I still like the old paths the best!

On This Day in History

December 8 Events: 1609 - Biblioteca Ambrosiana opens its reading room, the second public library of Europe. 1941 - After the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor the U.S. Congress passes a declaration of war against Japan. 1980 - Beatle John Lennon is killed in New York City. 1993 - The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) is signed into law by US President Bill Clinton.

Famous Birthdays

DECEMBER 8 Famous Birthdays: 1542 - Mary Queen of Scots (became queen at 6 days old) 1943 - Jim Morrison (Singer for The Doors) 1953 - Kim Basinger (Actress) 1964 - Teri Hatcher (Actress) 1977 - Ryan Newman (NASCAR Driver) 1985 - Dwight Howard (Basketball Player)

On the Light Side

The President got off the helicopter in front of the White House, carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Nice pigs, Sir." The President replies: "These are not pigs. These are Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for the Senator Majority Leader and I got one for Speaker of the House." The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "Excellent trade, sir."

Amazing Facts

There are about 6,900 languages in existence but more than half the world's population uses only 20 of them.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Nine-year-old Aaron came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Aaron, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - As a police officer I quite often found myself working a car accident involving more than one car that required some traffic direction. It never failed that at least one of the vehicles moving through the accident scene would slow down by me and ask "What happened?" DUH! Stay alert! They walk among us!

Where Did This Come From?

Why are zero scores in tennis called 'love'? BECAUSE: In France, where tennis became popular, the round zero on the scoreboard looked like an egg and was called 'l'oeuf,' which is French for 'the egg.' When tennis was introduced in the US, Americans (naturally), mispronounced it 'love.'

Betcha Didn't Know This!

The youngest signer of the Declaration of Independence was 26-year-old Edward Rutledge. The oldest signer was Benjamin Franklin. He was 70. Most of the signers were in their 30s and 40s.

Here's a Cute One

The man takes his Rottweiler to the vet, saying, “My dog’s cross-eyed. Can you do anything for him?” The vet picks up the dog and examines his eyes and then says, ”I’m going to have to put him down!” “What? Because he’s cross-eyed???” “No,” says the vet, “...cuz he’s really heavy!”

Healthy Tips

UNDERSTAND HORMONES. Recent research suggests that short-term (less than five years) use of HRT is not associated with an increase in the risk of breast cancer, but that using it for more than ten years might be. Breast cancer is detected earlier in women using HRT, as they are more alert to the disease than other women.