TheChatter – Madera

Just For Laughs

PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY DEAD AT 71 - Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, AKA; Pop N. Fresh, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, The California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and The Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.” Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a role model for millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 4:50 for about 20 minutes.

On This Day in History

April 1 Events: 1826 - The internal combustion engine is patented by Samuel Morey. 1867 - Singapore becomes British crown colony. 1891 - The Wrigley Company is founded in Chicago, Illinois. 1954 - The United States Air Force Academy is established in Colorado. 1976 - Apple Computer Company is formed by Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak.

Famous Birthdays

April 1 Famous Birthdays: 1578 - William Harvey (Scientist and doctor) 1850 - Otto von Bismark (German Empire founder) 1932 - Debbie Reynolds (Actress) 1938 - Ali McGraw (Actress) 1961 - Susan Boyle (Singer) 1981 - Hannah Spearitt (Singer) 1997 - Asa Butterfield (Child actor from Hugo)

On the Light Side

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only for 24 cans" he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

Amazing Facts

Light would take .13 seconds to travel around the Earth.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Alfie was listening to his sister practice her singing. "Sis," he said, "I wish you'd sing Christmas carols." "That’s nice of you, Alfie," she replied, "but why?" Alfie replied, "Because then I'd only have to hear your voice once a year!"

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for some time, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

Where Did This Come From?

BAKER’S DOZEN: A baker’s dozen means thirteen. This old saying is said to come from the days when bakers were severely punished for baking underweight loaves. Some added a loaf to a batch of a dozen to be above suspicion.

Betcha Didn't Know This!

Hans Langseth had the longest beard at a record length of 17 1/2 feet long! When he died, his beard was given to the Smithsonian Institute.

Here's a Cute One

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'

Healthy Tips

KEEP BLINKING. Constantly blinking your eyes is a very simple way to keep your eyes fresh and avoid eyestrain. Computer users tend to blink their eyes very less, thus it is recommended that they should follow the exercise of blinking their eyes every three-four seconds.