Just For Laughs

A businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. "I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family," said the man. "To show you how much we care for you, I'm making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is learn the factory operations." The son-in-law interrupted. "I hate factories. I can't stand the noise." "I see," replied the father-in-law. "Then you'll work in the office and take charge of some of the operations." "I hate office work," said the son-on-law. "I can't stand being behind a desk all day." "I just made you a half-owner of a profitable corporation, but you don't like factories and won't work in a office. What am I going to do with you?" said the father in law. "Easy," said the son in law. "Buy me out!!!"

On This Day in History

October 8 Events: 1956 - Baseball pitcher Don Larsen pitches the first perfect game in World Series history. 1957 - The Dodgers announce they are going to move from Brooklyn, New York to Los Angeles, California. 2001 - The US Office of Homeland Security is established. 2004 - TV hostess Martha Stewart goes to jail for insider trading.

Famous Birthdays

OCTOBER 8 Famous Birthdays: 1895 - Juan Peron (President of Argentina) 1943 - R. L. Stine (Author - Goosebumps Series) 1949 - Sigourney Weaver (Actress) 1955 - Bill Elliott (NASCAR Driver) 1970 - Matt Damon (Actor) 1993 - Angus T. Jones (Actor Two and a Half Men)

Betcha Didn't Know This!

Olympus Mons is a mountain on Mars, which is about fifteen miles high, three times higher than Mount Everest on earth, and at the top it is 45 miles across!

On the Light Side

Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. Three days later, she became his stepmother. Women are much better at estate planning than men.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back", said one child. "No", said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "You're both wrong. They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

Where Did This Come From?

BUTTER SOMEONE UP: To impress someone with flattery Origin: This was a customary religious act in ancient India. The devout would throw butter balls at the statues of their gods to seek favor and forgiveness.

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. Stay alert! They walk among us! And some carry guns!

Healthy Tips

TRACK YOUR FOOD INTAKE. Every Now and Then. The only way to know exactly what you are eating, is to weigh your foods and use a nutrition tracker like MyFitnessPaul or Cron-o-meter. This is important to know how many calories you are eating. It is also essential to make sure that you're getting in enough protein, fiber and micronutrients. Studies show that people who track their food intake in one way or another tend to be more successful at losing weight and sticking to a healthy diet. Basically, anything that increases your awareness of what you are eating is likely to help you succeed. Try to track everything you eat for a few days in a row, every few months. Then you’ll know exactly where to make adjustments in order to get closer to your goals.

Here's a Cute One

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started.

Stacked Funnies

YOU KNOW YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN: ** You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened. **All of your friends have a @ in their names. ** You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.