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Just For Laughs
Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee passing by. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," Dave said. Gesturing toward the doors, he asked, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are private dining rooms."
On This Day in History
February 28 Events: 1784 - John Wesley charters the Methodist Church. 1883 - The first vaudeville theater opens. 1940 - Basketball is televised for the first time. 1983 - Final episode of M A S H airs.
Famous Birthdays
February 28 Famous Birthdays: 1906 - Bugsy Siegel (Mobster) 1939 - Tommy Tune (Dancer) 1940 - Mario Andretti (Race Car Driver) 1948 - Bernadette Peters (Actress) 1973 - Eric Lindros (Hockey Player) 1980 - Tayshaun Prince (NBA basketball player)
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Betcha Didn't Know This!
The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
On the Light Side
A guy stood over his tee shot for a long time, looking up, looking down, and measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. All this was driving his golfing partner nuts. Finally, his exasperated partner said, "Just hit the stupid ball!" The guy answered, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," said the partner. "There's no way you can hit her from here."
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A Quick Chuckle
A toddler who was found chewing on a slug. After the initial surge of disgust the parent said, "Well, what does it taste like?" "Worms," was the reply.
Kids Say the Darnest Things
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
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Where Did This Come From?
READ THE RIOT ACT: Following a law of 1715 if a rowdy group of 12 or more people gathered, a magistrate would read an official statement ordering them to disperse. Anyone who did not, after one hour, could be arrested and punished.
Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 AM, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. Stay alert! They walk among us!
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Healthy Tips
FLIP THE PACKAGE OVER. Read nutrition labels to see what's really in your food. Don't be fooled by a flashy front-of-package claim. Don't fear fat – but don't go overboard. Fat has more calories than other nutrients, but it has multiple benefits. If you watch your portions, you can enjoy its decadence.
Here's a Cute One
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Stacked Funnies
HOW TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN ON YOUR NEXT TRIP TO WAL-MART: ** Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store. ** "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics. ** When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word. ** During announcements over the PA, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"