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Just For Laughs
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order. “I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggy. “I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggy. “I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggy. The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner. “I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggy. “I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggy. “I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggy. The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the pigs would like any dessert. “I want a banana split,” said the first piggy. “I want a root beer float,” said the second piggy. “I want water, lots and lots of water,” exclaimed the third little piggy. “Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter, “but why have you only ordered water?” The third piggy says, “Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!”
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On This Day in History
March 26 Events: 1827 - Ludwig van Beethoven, German composer dies. 1953 - Jonas Salk announces the Polio vaccine. 1979 - Anwar al-Sadat, Menachem Begin and Jimmy Carter sign the Egyptian-Israeli peace treaty in Washington, DC.
Famous Birthdays
March 26 Famous Birthdays: 1874 - Robert Frost (Poet) 1911 - Tennessee Williams (Playwright) 1930 - Sandra Day O'Conner (First woman Supreme Court Justice) 1931 - Leonard Nimoy (Spock on Star Trek) 1939 - James Caan (Actor) 1944 - Diana Ross (Singer) 1948 - Steven Tyler (Singer for Aerosmith) 1950 - Martin Short (Actor) 1960 - Marcus Allen (NFL Football player) 1968 - Kenny Chesney (Country music singer) 1985 - Keira Knightley (Actress)
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Betcha Didn't Know This!
A Japanese explorer named Maomi Uemura was the first man to reach the North Pole alone, on April 29, 1978, after his eight-week journey.
On the Light Side
A middle-aged woman convinced her husband to attend a couples retreat. At the first session the topic was on communication. The facilitator said, "The fact is, no matter how long we've been married, there are many things we don't know about each other. For example, how many of you husbands can name your wife's favorite flower?" The husband smiled knowingly, put his hand on his wife's knee, and said in a proud, "its Pillsbury All-Purpose, right honey?"
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Kids Say the Darnest Things
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nursery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she announced. “One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.” Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said loudly, “I’m not free. I'm four.”
Where Did This Come From?
ACHILLES HEEL: In Greek mythology Thetis dipped her son Achilles in the mythical River Styx. Anyone who was immersed in the river became invulnerable. However Thetis held Achilles by his heel. Since her hand covered this part of his body the water did not touch it and so it remained vulnerable. Achilles was eventually killed when Paris of Troy fired an arrow at him and it hit his heel.
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Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.
Trivia - Did you Know?
Plutonium - first weighed on August 20th, 1942, by University of Chicago scientists Glenn Seaborg and his colleagues - was the first man-made element.
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Amazing Facts
Wounds infested with maggots heal quickly and without spread of gangrene or other infection.
Healthy Tips
CONNECT WITH OTHERS. Building a community of people who can help you through life’s ups and downs is a vital step towards happiness and good health. Invest in relationships that provide encouragement and accountability to both parties.
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Idiot Sightings
IDIOT SIGHTING - The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!" She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.
Healthy Tips
CONNECT WITH OTHERS. Building a community of people who can help you through life’s ups and downs is a vital step towards happiness and good health. Invest in relationships that provide encouragement and accountability to both parties.
Here's a Cute One
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!