Just For Laughs

A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: (1) The bartender is a blonde girl. (2) The bouncer is a blonde girl. (3) I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in Karate. (4) The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. (5) The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".

On This Day in History

July 27 Events: 1866 - The Atlantic Cable is successfully completed allowing transatlantic telegraph communication. 1940 - Bugs Bunny makes first appears in the cartoon A Wild Hare. 1949 - The first jet-powered airliner, the de Havilland Comet, takes flight. 1953 - The Korean War ends after 3 years of fighting.

Famous Birthdays

July 27 Famous Birthdays: 1667 - Johann Bernoulli (Mathematician) 1901 - Rudy Vallee (Singer) 1922 - Norman Lear (TV Producer) 1948 - Peggy Flemming (Figure Skater) 1975 - Alex Rodriguez (Baseball Player) 1996 - Ashlyn Sanchez (Chile actress)

On the Light Side

A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, “All that bull does is eat grass. Won’t even look at a cow.” “Take him to the vet,” his friend suggested. The next week, John is much happier. “The vet gave him some pills, and the bull serviced all of my cows!” he told his pal. “Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbor’s cows! He’s like a machine!” “What kind of pills were they?” asked the friend. “I don’t know, but they taste a little like peppermint.”

Amazing Facts

Human birth control pills work on gorillas.

Kids Say the Darnest Things

Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one them should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked, "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Three small voices answered in unison: "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

Idiot Sightings

IDIOT SIGHTING - A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... . Stay alert! They walk among us!

Where Did This Come From?

TALK TURKEY: This means to talk clearly, upfront, and directly. The rumor is that it started with the settlers and the Indians over a discussion about who gets what after a hunting expedition. Another is just based on old hunters calling turkey sounds so skillfully that the birds came very clear of firing distance (upfront, direct?) of them.

Betcha Didn't Know This!

Beards are the fastest growing hairs on the human body. If the average man never trimmed his beard, it would grow to nearly 30 feet long in his lifetime.

Here's a Cute One

A man came to the emergency room with a series of long, jagged tear marks on his cheek and neck, as though he had been clawed by some large animal. "What happened to you?" asked the doctor who was examining him. "Chain saw accident," the man replied. "Well, you're lucky," the doctor said; "I've seen worse." "It wasn't turned on," the man replied.

Healthy Tips

MAKE A MOVE. Take the stairs, park a few blocks away or otherwise become inefficient and take extra steps to get where you need to go.